


"ENOUGH WITH YOUR PUNS”

by TheGreatGame



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Also almost sex at the end, M/M, puns, so many puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 23:18:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8553526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatGame/pseuds/TheGreatGame
Summary: In which the Doctor tells too many puns.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is a drabble, but it's not posted in Drabbles because of the very light sex stuff near the end.

“ENOUGH! ENOUGH WITH YOUR PUNS”  
  
For some reason, the Doctor had decided that today would be an insufferable day of puns. In every other sentence, he had included a pun. There was no end to his horrible humor.  
  
At breakfast, after Jamie had eaten so many brightly colored popsicles that his tongue (and the Doctor swore his throat) were stained a bright blue, the Doctor had said his first joke.  
  
"Oh Jamie," the Doctor tutted as he rubbed his companion's stomach.  
  
"Och," Jamie groaned, "it hurts, Doctor."  
  
"I suppose," the Doctor said, a sudden grin on his face, "you feel that you've… _dyed_ a little inside?"  
  
Jamie smacked him on the arm for that. Sadly, this would continue for the rest of the day.  
  
Later, when the TARDIS's gravity had failed, the Doctor had accidentally let go of his repair manual.  
  
"You know," he said, as he tumbled about in midair, "I never liked that book. But now that the gravity's gone, it's _impossible to put down!"_  
  
Jamie grumbled and focused on trying not to flash Zoe again. To the Doctor's disappointment, he focused on not flashing _him_ as well.  
  
It turned out that there was more wrong with the TARDIS than they had previously thought. Time had started reversing and speeding up in different rooms, causing a lot of confusion and panic for its crew of three. An hourglass fell into an engine that the Doctor had had to open up, and was thoroughly crushed and smashed into bits.  
  
"Oh dear," said the Doctor. "That was… _time consuming_."  
  
Jamie didn't complain then. He was too busy avoiding a pocket of moving time and not being aged or youthed to death.  
  
Finally, the Doctor managed to fix everything that was wrong with the TARDIS. He finished his repairs by securing the last mechanism with the mango-flavored gum he had been previously chewing.  
  
"That," said Zoe, "is very irresponsible."  
  
"Trust me, it'll do. And everything's fixed now, isn't it?"  
  
"I suppose so." Zoe sighed in relief. "That was very impressive."  
  
"I guess you could say," the Doctor said as he popped another stick of gum into his mouth, "that what I did was… _pretty sweet?_ "  
  
Deep breaths, Jamie, deep breaths.  
  
But the last straw happened later that night, after the Doctor and Jamie started getting very close in their bedroom. The Doctor hadn't made a pun in over an hour, and Jamie has almost forgotten about how irritated he had been.  
  
The Doctor gasped as Jamie kissed and sucked his neck. His lover's hands moved downwards, drawing circles on the bare skin of his chest, his thighs, and he couldn't keep from moaning.  
  
"Oh Jamie…"  
  
The Doctor yelped when Jamie pushed him down flat onto the bed, so that he was staring up into Jamie's lustful grinning face. His cock jumped and his hips bucked. He knew what he wanted, and he wanted it badly.  
  
Jamie grinned. He loved seeing just what he'd done to the Doctor. The Doctor's body temperature, still colder than his own, was so much hotter now, and his cheeks were such a becoming shade of pink. His messy hair was even more out of place, just obscuring his bright, wanting eyes. Jamie wrapped his hand around the Doctor's erection and relished in the noises that he inspired.  
  
"You want to get fucked tonight, Doctor?" he asked. There was a rough edge to his voice that made it sound like a growl.  
  
"Yes." The Doctor swallowed and tried his hardest not to beg outright. _Save that for later_ , he told himself. "Please, Jamie, _yes_."  
  
Jamie grinned and grabbed the lubricant. With seconds, he was ready for the Doctor. His fingers came closer, and he did too. He whispered into the Doctor's ear, each breath sending electric shivers down his spine.  
  
"Aye, after all that happened to us before, getting fucked would make your day, wouldn't it?" His fingers went inside, and the Doctor whimpered in his arousal.  
  
Then the Doctor's eyes shone mischievously. Jamie thought it was because the Doctor was thinking about when they would finally begin to fuck, which wasn't that far off from the truth. Unfortunately, the Doctor said,  
  
"Jamie, that wouldn't just make my day." The Doctor snickered, "It would make my _hole weak_!"  
  
For a few moments, pure silence ruled the room. You could hear Jamie's puzzled mind working and finally inserting a "w" and an "e" to the phrase as needed.  
  
After the realization, Jamie leapt back and yelled the phrase that started this story.  
  
"Oh crumbs. Oh dear." Despite having an obvious hard on, the Doctor still managed to look innocent and bashful. "Jamie, I am very sorry."  
  
"You should be! It was bad enough having to deal with your wee jokes all day, but-but when we're about to have _sex_?!"  
  
"I know, and I apologize." The Doctor, in an attempt to look seductive, let one hand go down to play with himself. "How about we just get back to it? I was really looking forward-"  
  
"Don't ye dare."  
  
"To what was to _cum_."  
  
That last joke, the Doctor decided on being thrown out of his room, had not been worth it.


End file.
